I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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