apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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