Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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