were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
