You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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