Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
