Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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