You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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