Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
