i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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