is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
