just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
