You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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