I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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