Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton

(1-770): View more from Georgia

i said paris hilton

(770): View more from Georgia

thats even worse

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(310): View more from California

If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.

Fav 14 1221 2895
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(951): View more from California

I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to

Fav 24 1442 5102
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(904): View more from Florida

youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb

Fav 26 1063 5658
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(516): View more from New York

My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say

Fav 32 2190 5516
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(661): View more from California

I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it

Fav 4 1352 2053
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(512): View more from Texas

Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.

Fav 5 2653 989
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(740): View more from Ohio

I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to

Fav 2 406 622
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(816): View more from Missouri

Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.

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