I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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