I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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