You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize