Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
