she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
