did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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