Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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