have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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