So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
