Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
