You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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