We won't sleep together?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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