24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My dick has a subreddit
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
