Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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