i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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