my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
