people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
