even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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