Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
