I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
