Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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