Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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