They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
