But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
