dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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