i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize