Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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