great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
