Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
