i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm sobbing to NWA
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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