Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
