She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize