his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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