I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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