I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
