Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
