Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
