our cab driver is having phone sex.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Panties = found
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
