the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
