My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
