just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
