Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
