I wish I could punch you in the face.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
