I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
