Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
