you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
