I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
