i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just had sex on a roof
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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