where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
