I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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