just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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