i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize