i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
