I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
