Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
