I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize