Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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