i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
