Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
