I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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