She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
