You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize