If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
