i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think your dad took our porno
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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