if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
