Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
