hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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