So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
