she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This is my gift to your gina
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My dick has a subreddit
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize