I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Randomize
