Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
