Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
