She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
