smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
