i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
