u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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