a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
