Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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