Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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