Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
