it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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