I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
