Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
