Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
